Today on Craigslist, Detroit

"I really really need a girlfriend" (21 - Clinton Township)
Nothing speaks desperation like, "I really, really, need a girlfriend"  Not really, but really, really.

Hey, I am a nice, caring single dude who needs a GF that is somewhat responsible and also very single...
Pay close attention:  this post is limited to the very single population.  Single girls need not apply.

Please be in good shape as I got a NICE body haa...
Well, at least there's something.

Jus hopin there's a cute girl who hopped on CR and is looking for a wonderful wonderful down to earth BF.. :)
He had me at 'jus' wonderful wonderful smiley.

I work FT, drive and go to school... I love hangin out, watchin movies, drinkin, and lots lots more... Tell ya when we start talking!
You think the ability to drive is worth mentioning?  Perhaps this credential is on his resume?  Who can I call to verify this information?  We have so much in common!

I am 5'11'', 165 lbs., brown hair, green eyes and in excellente shape! I am very very clean and smell good too:)
Ooh...watch out ladies, 'excellente'...he may be Italian.

Lets hang out sooooon, email me with a pic and I will return one.. Please include a cell number n maybe we can cut the emailin and get real fast hah :)
Yeah, let us cut the emailing, as well as necessary letters, words, spelling and punctuation.  Lets cut out all of that crap but repeat several words to emphasize the desperation. 

Ladies...stand back, because this catch is all mine.